LETTER TO THE WORLD- I

I wonder if there was a hole in your soul, would you feel it? Would you stitch it up so no one knows? Or would you cry out and ask for help in filling it up?

I don't know.
'Coz there are holes in my soul and I'm in pieces.

Ah reader, I wish you knew this terrible state I am in, it's so hard to breathe.
It's been three long years since I wrote to you, it feels nice tonight now that we're here. You. Me. A memory.

Listen....heard that?
That's my soul.
A writer's soul crying for ink. A musician's soul crying for lyric. A traveler's soul crying for roads. A scientist's soul crying for revelation. A woman's soul crying for revolution.

In paths that we traverse, oft comes a choice- to choose one and only one soul- killing all else within you. Choices are a privilege. Yet, choices can be a bane. Banishing your existence to pain. Which do I choose? Whom do I kill?

So I cut holes in my soul- one for each existence and I'm at loss with identities lost.
Do you feel it too, pretty girl?
Your dreams lost in a sea of hard choices and oceans of dangerous men?

Stay awhile, reader, it's just you and me. And a soul that's silent no more.

MY GENESIS

The Lord called upon me last night

To ask me what I’d become.

I looked down at my feet

For I knew not what to say.

Where is the heart I gave you,

He asked me.

I looked down at my feet

For I knew not what to say.

You have lost the only thing

I blessed you with,

He bellowed at me.

I curse you,

He said,

I curse you like I did to Cain,

For your heart’s blood cries out to me

from the ground,

Now you will be a restless wanderer on the earth.

I looked up and saw him in the eye

“I know not where my heart is.

For it roams with the dust,

Flowing with the wind,

Over the land,

Over the seas,

Over the men,

Over the trees.

Once in a while,

 A man catches it

And embraces the dust and keeps it safe

For that I’m thankful.

Show him to me, god said,

And I did.

He smiled and then he commanded,

You will stay with him

Since from him you were taken;

For dust you are

And to dust you will return.

FABRIC

Frigid bones and rigid lies

Grossly wronged

And severed ties

Preserving the humility

Humiliation

Is what it chose to be.

Loser’s serve

But a loser still

Wary of

A rising chill

No fortune to blame

And none to lose

A livid life

Cannot be bruised.

Feathers of

 The phoenix grow

Beyond today to tomorrow,

A little girl

Looks up in awe

Without a drop of sorrow,

A tattered fabric

Now, sewn back and forth

Stands proud at last

Protecting both.

Just Like That

Writing after a really long while.... Probably the first thing to come up specially for my blog.
An epic semester this has been. Un-bloody-forgettable.

   Can't even start to count all the things that have happened....I have to keep reminding myself that all this actually happened in these 4-5 months. Ha!

Having almost totally broken off with my usual gang of friends, I almost led a most nomadic kind of life- wandering here, wandering there. With no fixed people to talk to, no fixed places to hang out at. Was really tough at first, not used to such a life. I mean, there have always been people to talk to, right? But things happened and I'm kinda glad that it all fell apart. It gave me time to think, to sort out my life and priorities. It gave time to hold myself up, test what they call 'the endurance strength'. Now that I look back, I'm glad I'm not in those farce relationships anymore, can't live with the back-bitching. I remember being sad and full of regrets last sem. That infinite begging for mercy, the infinite apologizing, the infinite times I really tried to make it all work.
But it's over.

And it's all so... peaceful. No nagging sense of "what happened to all of us?"

Coz it just happened. Live with it.
No more apologizing.

No more begging for mercy outside Snack Shack. Ha! Hilarious, now that I remember it.

    I'm happy the way my life's turn out to be. Different people. Different places. And so many things getting ticked off my bucket list with startling speed. 

Wouldn't have been anywhere near to such a world had it not been for Abhineet, of course. True friends are hard to find. But mirror images like us, harder still. :)

If there's one thing I'd thank him for, would be the fifth dimension he added to my life. Coz if there's so many things getting crossed off on the bucket list (and any other list, for that matter), it's 'coz of him.

Lol, of course, not many couples get named as The Best Couple by Bacardi, yeah?

Not many stalk other couples near IC either , right?

Not many sing "dekho kaala bandar aaya" at 3rd block!

Not many scream and sing "I'm a barbie girl" out of the window of a speeding car from Aashirwaad Cinema hall! (Special mention: Raju and TP ! )

Romantic dialogues on lighthouses ("saale sab log samundar ko dekh ke itne philosophical kyun ho jaate hain?!"  with Divya and Akshay)

Haha...and a classic getaway at Uchilla in the middle of nowhere, spending the day cracking coconuts and eating fish ( Ahoy Daddy!)

Drinking beer on tree houses, bike rides and water jets (With the Pavitra (and extended) family!)

Dance parties with domestic violence :P

After8, Vortex and other SA performances....strong bonds within THIS family too, headbanging and lots of photography!

New hairstyles (not talking about mine, i meant TP)

And of course....................

Purple nail paint

Formals for a GBM!

The white water rafting (epicness)

Waking up AP at Pavitra and getting a culture shock in the kitchen and of course, some amazing videos

Durga Puja at mangalore and an awesome photoshoot

Folk Painting on the room door

Graffiti during classes, reading Ninja comic strips in the last row

Getting addicted to the Mentalist series

Painting on canvas

And...

NEW FRIENDS.

:)

Life's good!

SING ME TO SLEEP

I miss your voice

When you say you miss me.

Baby, when we meet next,

Hold me and sing me to sleep.

I have bad dreams at night

Of unfamiliar shores,

Of darkened skies,

And I'm afraid

I'll lose you to them.

Stay with me,

Stay by my side,

Sing me to sleep, baby, please.

I meet you, I can’t let you go,

I watch you go, I want to meet you again.

Your voice is still in my head

Oh baby, bring it to life

Hold me and sing me to sleep tonight.

THE KOHINOOR QUEST

They stare at the huge crystal Christmas tree at Citywalk. Stunned. Absolutely. Crystals. Diamonds. Wow. The four girls stand there in awe and amazement.

“Kya tum bhi wahi soch rahe ho, jo main soch rahi hun?” asks Medhal Pandey.

“Haan yaar...bohot der se idhar khade hain...washroom chalo ab!” says Sonal Pandey.

Both Annal and Sagar Pandey groan at that while Medhal gives Sonal a “kuchbhi??” look.

Five minutes later, in the washroom, after a quick photo session,

Annal speaks up “Aajkal Christmas treeon ki aukaat badh gayi hai yaar...heere moti lage hote hain...I wonder raat ko Santa kaise ghoomta hoga.. Lehenga Choli pehenke? Jisme Kohinoor diamond laga ho?!!!”

Medhal: “Exactly! Main bhi yahi soch rahi thi!”

Sagar : “ Tab toh Santa angrez hi hoga. Kohinoor toh un angrezon ki paas hi hai!”

Sonal turns emotional: “ Kya yaar....chor kahin ke... kaash us diamond ko yahin rehne dete.. afterall yeh hindustaan ki amaanat hai.”

Annal: “Haan yaar... independence toh mil gayi lekin chori kiya hua maal toh abhi bhi unhi ke paas hai! Aur hum? Humne bhi kya teer maar liye? Humne bhi maan liya ki Britain ko koi consolation prize milni chahiye. Toh lo tum safedi ki chamkaan, le lo yeh heera!”

Medhal: “Aur ab kya zamana hai yaar... India ke log bhool gaye hain ki Kohinoor sirf ek condom ke brand ka naam nahi hai. Huh.”

Sagar:” Humein kuch karna chahiye. Logon ko batana hoga. Logon ko jagana hoga.”

Sonal wakes up the maid in the washroom, who was trying desperately to take a nap at a corner.

“Jaago grahak jaago!”

Sagar: “Abe mera matlab woh nahi tha! Read in between the lines yaar. Humein is desh ko jagana hoga. Un angrezon ko batana hoga ki hum yeh zulm aur nahi sahenge.”

“ Nahi sahenge! Nahi sahenge!” chant Sonal, Annal and Medhal.

Sagar: “ Hum aur kurbaani nahi denge.”

“Nahi denge! Nahi denge!”

“ Hum Kohinoor wapas leke aayenge.”

“ Leke aayenge! Leke aayenge!”

Medhal: “ Ek second... KYA???”

Sagar: “Haan...hum England jaake leke aayenge... haq banta hai yaar! Atleast try toh kar sakte hain?”

Annal: “What an idea, madamji! Phir socho... Mangal Pandey ke sath sath hum bhi Indian history ka part ban jaayenge... We can start a revolution yaar. Socho....”

That’s when it struck us. A chance to see our photos beside the likes of Mangal Pandey. Movies on us. Cartoons on us. Songs on us.

“Annal! The bakwaas video editor!

Sonal! The idiotic dancer!

Sagar! The barbaad singer!

Medhal! The gande joke maker!

Pandey Girls save the day!

Tan tan tan tan tan

Fighting angrez, trying to get the diamond

Here they come just in time, The Pandey Puff Girls!

Pandey Puff.

Tan Tan Tan Taaaan.

“England! Here we come!”

------Outside the Buckhingham Palace-----

“ Guard bhaiya... zara side ho jaao yaar.... Humein Elizabeth ji se kuch zaroori baat karni hai.”

The guards don’t even blink.

Sagar: “Shayad unko sunaai nahi diya yaar... bechaare... kaanon ke ilaaj ke liye bhi aajkal bade paise lagte hain...”

Medhal: “ Ghar wapas jaate time isko leke challenge, theek hai? Shayad Baba Ramdev kuchh kar dein? Chaloge na aap humaare saath, bhaiyya?”

The guards don’t blink.

Annal: “ Shayad woh bohot emotional ho gaye hain... control kar rahe honge... koi baat nahi bhaiyya... yeh humaare taraf se bhai dooj ki gift samajh lena. Aapko hum Baba Ramdev se zaroor milwayenge.. Ek behen ki kasam.”

With that, she pats one of the guards on the back.

The next thing they know, there are 4 rifles pointing at them.

Sonal: “ Ohhh.. kya baat hai! Yeh log yeh kehne ki koshish kar rahe hain ki woh humein apne behen maante hain aur humesha humaari raksha aise hi karte rahenge!”

Annal: “ Emotional kar diya yaar... yeh log itne bure bhi nahi hain.. yeh angrez..”

But no amount of persuasion made the guards open the gates for them to enter.

Back at the hotel at night, the four girls disappointed, go out for a walk. Suddenly they find that they have lost their way.

They find a board giving them directions: <--CITY FOREST -->

They think on it for a long time. Then,

Sonal: “ socho kaisa lagega jab bacche hindi ke chapter mein padhenge —Pandey Ladkiyan, ek baar haar kar bhi himmat nahi haare. Woh Britain ke ghane junglon ko cheer kar aage badhe.”

Medhal: “ Tum sahi kehti ho behen... Sab log aasaan raasta apnaate hain. Lekin hum... hum nahi.”

Sagar: “ Chalo aage badho!”

So they walked into the forest with a gusto. They brave the winds and the large trees. They overcome the fear of deadly animals. Until suddenly—

Annal: “ Yaar yeh saamne koi bada sa jaanwar lag raha hai...”

Sonal: “Mujhe toh England ke flag ki badi si sticker dikh rahi hai.”

Medhal: “Bade patriotic jaanwar hain yahan ke.... hmm... main ghar jaate hi apne pados ke doggiyon ke upar India map ke sticker laga dungi. Aakhir woh bhi toh humaare desh ke hissa hain.”

Sagar: “Nahi yaar mat kariyo. Jab Mandira Bedi ne Indian flag waali saari pehni thi, uske upar case kar diya tha. Bechaare dogs ko toh hang hi kar denge phir!”

Annal: “Yaar...yeh koi aeroplane hai..maybe an air crash.... shit.. terrorists toh nahi hain?”

Sonal : “ Chalo dekhte hain!”

They tread carefully towards the crashed aircraft. They see silhouettes of two people around the plane.

Medhal: “Arre! Yeh toh apna William hai!”

Sonal: “ William kaun?”

Sagar: “ Arre, Elizabeth ji ka pota?”

Sonal: “Bohot lamba hai yaar....isne Hagrid ka role toh nahi kiya tha Harry Potter mein?”

Annal: “Hmm...shayad.... lekin kamzor ho gaya hai bechaara... yaar isko bhi dilli le jaayenge. Desi ghee waale jalebi khilayenge toh wapas form mein aa jayega.”

Medhal: “ Arre bhaisaab.... Namaste!”

William: “ Excuse me... I’d like to know who you all are, first.”

The girls introduce themselves and suddenly they notice his left arm bleeding.

Sagar: “ You are bleeding yaar.. We’ll take you to AIIMS hospital.”

Sonal : “ Nahi yaar, udhar toh bohot waiting hoti hai.”

William: “Uhm...thank you girls. I really appreciate your concern. Actually it was a chartered flight. The pilot lost control and....we....somehow crashed...and we lost him... (sobs) thankfully the co-pilot’s alive. There he is. That’s Mr.Smith.”

Annal : “ Oh teri! Mr. Smith, will you please sign an autograph for us later?”

Sonal: “Kyun ? Kaun hai yeh?”

Annal whispers back to her: “ Arre...Angelina Jolie ki movie nahi thi Mr. And Mrs. Smith?!! Tohhhh....yeh hain Mr. Smith! Uff...picturein nahi dekhti tu?”

Mr. Smith looks a bit stunned while William groans in pain.

Sagar: “Oh...you are hurt. We forgot.”

William: “ Naah, not an issue. But could you do us a favour? There’s a first aid kit lying there... could you...”

Medhal: “Arre! No need ji! What first aid kit shit? We’ll tie our dupatta around your arm! That’s how it’s done!”

Annal: “Le! Yeh bhi picturein nahi dekhta! Kya hoga iss zamaane ka!”

They tie their bleeding arms with colourful dupattas as the Britons almost faint in shock.

Suddenly, there are sounds of a helicopter in the sky.

William: “I had arranged for an airlift, you see. Uhm...I...I’d like you all to come with us to the palace, as a token of appreciation for everything you’ve done for us.”

Delighted by the proposition, they agree instantly!

----In the halls of the Buckingham Palace-----

Sonal: “Kya banglaa hai!!! Arre woh Ekta Kapoor apne serials ki shooting idhar hi toh nahi karti?!!”

Medhal : “ Haan...aur yeh jo aurat aa rahi hai humaari taraf, shayad use Baa banati hai! Kya baat hai yaar, poori star cast hai kya idhar aaj?!! Bade saare autograph milenge!”

Annal and Sagar: "Arre.... yeh toh Elizabeth ji hain!"

**********************************************************************************************************

Recluse at Sundown

She lays awake on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what she thinks. She gets up, still sitting on the bed; she looks around at the white walls that surround her. While her friends are out there enjoying, she just puts the phone away while they’re calling. She doesn’t know why she’s doing what she is doing. She doesn’t know what it is that she’s feeling. But all she knows is she has become what they call, a recluse. She splashes some water over her face, expecting it to clear the things out for her. Disappointed, she comes back and sits at the window, looking all of the time far away.

She looks at the roads, so empty.

She looks at the houses with no one inside.

She looks at the trees which have withered.

She looks at the day slowly fading to night.

While she wonders what to think of what she has become, she probes on what she’s trying to find. While she thinks of how she loves being outside, she thinks about the void that she’s feeling inside.

As she waits for her friends to return, she thinks about how she will start to explain.

As she tells herself that everything is just normal, she fears there will be a sundown once again.

She hasn’t figured what it is that she feels, but she plans to go out on the streets all alone.

She will sing of her life, to the trees. She will sing of the world that she thinks is her own.

But just before she sets out for the walk, something beckons her, for a second, to turn around.

She smiles ,for this time she knows what she’s feeling and starts to write of the recluse at sundown.